The first agreement is "be
impeccable with your word." In other words, speak with
integrity--saying only what you mean. We think this is
really important in relationships of all kinds and
especially in intimate ones.
If you aren't impeccable with your word, trust begins to
erode within the relationship--and we're not just
talking about the big stuff. Our belief is that there is
no small stuff in relationships.
When Susie bought her new used Buick, the dealership
couldn't find the remote control and an extra key. In
fact they said that this model didn't come with one. A
mechanic even looked at it and said that it wasn't wired
for a remote. To Susie, a remote is a nice amenity but
not a necessity. But--she'd had one with her previous
car and this new car just didn't feel as nice because
there was something missing. Trying to get to the bottom
of the problem, Otto sat in the dealership and made the
dealers look in the specs to see if a remote was
standard equipment for this model or not. To make a long
story short, Otto managed to get a remote for the car.
Because we were told that the car didn't have a remote
and it through persistence found out it did, we have an
issue with trust with that dealership. We'll put a
question mark in front of anything they say from now on..
Isn't this the way it is in
relationships? It's like Steven Covey's concept of the
emotional bank account in "The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People." Good deeds, kind words and following
through on your agreements build deposits in your
emotional bank account with another person. False
statements, not following through on agreements create
withdrawals in an emotional bank account in a
relationship. The idea is that you must make many more
deposits than withdrawals to keep the trust level high
the two of you.
Being impeccable with your word means following through
on what you say you're going to do. Susie asked Otto to
use the weed eater the clear the weeds along the
driveway this weekend and Otto said he would. Although
this is a small matter, if he hadn't followed through
and whacked the weeds when he said he would, some of the
trust between them would be eroded. When we don't follow
through on what we say we're going to do on the small
stuff, doubt creeps in about follow through on the "big
Being impeccable also means being conscious of what you
say and the intention behind it. Have you ever said
something that you really didn't mean? As soon as it
left your mouth, you wished you could capture it and
destroy it before anyone could hear it?
The challenge of being impeccable is to be aware of how
you are feeling, watch what triggers you, and stay in
the present moment without reacting from past unhealthy
patterns and old family tapes.
This week as you go through your day, be very aware of
what comes out of your mouth. Be very conscious of what
promises you make and what you say to someone when your
are emotionally triggered. Make a new agreement, as Don
Miguel Ruiz says, to be impeccable with your word.
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto
Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or
Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy"
are experts at helping people get more
of the love they really want. Learn the
5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free
5-part mini-course: http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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